Lately, Terminally Euro-Trashy. But Now, Back Home. For Good. To Stay. Oh, Yes, I Am. Probably.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Out of the Past
I haven't been here for a long, long time. I almost thought I had forgotten the password. I never feel much like giving out anything lately. And I have been very, very busy dancing the tango, performing, having love affairs and making all the assorted art I make -- when I'm not working.
And today, like a stray bullet, from out of the past comes my amour fou from 2008 with all his normal dark cloud of drama and crazy. Seems he's got legal problems now as a result of the love affair he embarked on after ours. And the opposing party is gathering evidence against him to "assassinate his character" in a lawsuit. No, I don't make this stuff up. Yes, my life is like a movie.
Do I feel anything? No. Not pity, not concern, not compassion, nothing. I thought I'd preserve happy memories of some of our time together eventually. Nope. There's nothing there now. Nothing at all. He bled me dry, abandoned me, and now I do not care at all what happens to him. Sounds like he's racked up some kind of karmic debt and now he's being asked to pay the bill. My heart is rattlingly empty of him.
Life is so sad like this -- how things changed so radically in exactly three years. Cue Umbrellas of Cherbourg. Once I thought I would die without him. And now I cannot even imagine why I ever loved him. But I am so glad I dodged the bullet of committing myself to him. And he couldn't even dance.
I should have told the lawyer all I care about is that they cast Madonna to play me in the movie about all this. :)
I'm a denizen of the margins of society -- artist, atheist, feminist from the working class, ex-Disco diva, faux queen.
I'm a lady, the lady is a tramp, the lady vanishes, I'm tired of waiting, I'm a lover, I'm a fighter, I'm a femme fatale, I'm a shrinking violet, I'm a wallflower, I'm counting flowers on the wall, I'm brave, I'm scared, I'm frequently ambivalent about most things, I'm opinionated, I'm an INFJ, I'm sleep-deprived, I run on coffee, I'm a Texan, I'm oil field trash, I don't talk to strangers, I spin tales like Scheherezade, I can seriously mess up two languages besides English, I'm a blonde now, I'm not (t)here.